Art woes, worries, rants and achivements.

Sorry no art, just pure emotion!

There is always mixed feelings when you realise. " well, my stuff is STILL pretty bad, at least its better than last year"

i have been fighting off mixed boughts of "being dragged down about my art emotional feelings" mainly because i awoke to this reality sometime last week. one of those "wow you getting better, but see those mountians? you have to go over that range to get where you should, and know you can be." (( i wonder if that is also a metaphore, i know i will end up in Cali, and im currently in Denver... just 1 more mountian range to go over!))

and this is where brutal honesty for honesty's sake is good and healthy. depressing as all hell, but healthy. i mean no one WANTS to admit they are just not good enough. i mean REALLY! but thankfully i've gotten TONS of support from my freinds lately especially. they seem to be rideing me as to "why are you not appalying for art jobs?" my ancwer? "My portfolio, well lack there off is keeping me away..."

My goal in this is to have a decent sized and adding to portfolio in a few months. (( 4 the longest)) and sending out after that. i dont wanna be at my job longer than a year. which, is kinda mean cause they gave me when i REALLY needed it. BUT i need to do this for me. being an Office whipping gal is matonotious and tiring, the people are AMAZING and i will be sad i can't hang out with them but, in all honesty i am NOT an office girl. bleah.

Today i realised though that i NEEDED the office job. if i just got an art job with no work for it, i would eventually tire of it. im a strange creature. i NEED a challenge to feel sucessful about something. that is why i did art, in all honesty. it was something i could do decently enough to always recive praise form family, but i wanted to see if i could become better. i feel kinda like an oddball about art too. i need to come at it from a different perspective than my arty freinds.

Here is the catch 22, even with all this drive to get better, i will never be satisfied which is ok. but im sure 2 decades form now you will read me lamenting about "i just am not good enough! the recent feature lenght animation i worked on is so subpar!" btu that is always why i love art, you can ALWAYS improve, but with fileing? you kinda cant get much better after your through, speedy and know the alphabet, ya know?

in the end, i've made the septs toward improvement. i call them 'Art Drills' im hoping to give myself weekly challenges to eradicate my weaknesses in areas i've noted. if i missed anything please feel free to comment.

The list?
Color theory. (( ouch!)) i USED to be decent in this, in fact color was my top skill, but as i improved elsewhere with my art this began to lack and did not improve WITH my skills. especially that color in watercolor is NOT the same as CGing, and Acrylic, oil, etc.
Anatomy. ALWAYS NEED TO STUDY! i particuallary need to work on my men. :D
Perspective- something i never got around to fully worken on. >_<
5 basic shapes light from different angles- ALWAYS need to work on this to grasp form.
watercolor 1 hour painting challenge- with hopes that limited time makes me focouse on getting the gist across, kinda liek a 10 mineut gesture, enough for skill, but not enough for detailed rendering.
watercolor color theory- a color chart of all the color and what the mix into.
Drappery/clothing- for charcter design
Animal anatomy- cause animal help with human anatomy.
Inks- to pratice inking to bost my confidance!
photochop/painter pratice- proably quick images to get back intothe sqing of digital art.
Reproducing in various mediums- where i go form sketch to pencil to inkd grey scale to color to line and ink to even cg and maybe 3-d. all the same peice to work on beign able to reproduce the same image multipule times.
Still lives/landscapes- while i love me landscapes, the pratice is ALWAYS necessary. i hate still lives, so that pratice is necessary too.
30 min sketch set- continue but go with theams in the sketches instead of just warmups. :D

as seen above i sure do have a laundry list to work on. but im hoping to vary my drills each week to keep me intrested in what im doing. i will improve, i will concoure, and it will be glorious! (( it just sucks right now XD))